Five Things I Really Shouldn't Need, But Do.

Materialism isn't something that sits well with me at the best of times. A couple months back I stripped down my worldly possessions to a suitcase and a couple of holdalls after fifteen years of living in a two-bedroom sub-level dungeon and accumulating (by fair and foul means both) a corresponding amount of pointless shit. And it felt good, yes it did. To know that the stuff I'd left behind represented the chains of my previous existence. I walked away feeling freer and happier than I'd felt in years.


You may be suitably impressed to discover that virtually none of it is missed, either. My considerable book collection had already been divided and taken into care by two people I trust with its well-being (It being the only thing I'd scream like a girl at the thought of losing, 'caretakers' had to be found - and it was split down the middle into reference and leisure. All good. Happy days. Tidy darts. Etc.).


And as I prepare to drag my transient ass into somewhere (semi) permanent again, I find that my new found 'maneuverability' in terms of physical stuff affords me 'space to think' (see what I did there? Yeah. I know). So I've been kinda compiling my own 'desert island disc' style list of things I shouldn't need, but do. Things that I can totally survive without, but honestly, truly think my life would be richer and more rewarding if I owned / had access to. Because that's the key. We can pretty much survive without anything at all if we have access to food, water and shelter - the rest of it is just accessorising.


I'm not about to go live on a desert island, before you ask. Here are five things I really shouldn't need, but I do. I so fucking do.


1. Books
Ranked slightly below Oxygen as an essential. I still carry a small selection around even now, and I have access to the rest whenever I choose. It's like having two private libraries where the librarians are cute and you get beer and if you don't bring a book back nobody gives a fuck.


2. Bass guitar (with suitably loud amplification / compression / EQ unit)
A part of me since I was fourteen, I've gone way too long without one now. It's been almost a year. And being a leftie (or a Southpaw if you prefer) means I can't just ask someone else to 'Gis' a go on your Boomtwang' because they're all fucking strung cack-handed and how am I supposed to get anything remotely sounding like Mick Karn on acid out of one of those, even though I've been virtually fucking surrounded by them every week for the best part of two years. Oh how I've suffered in silent agony...


Genuinely, though, giving my soul the means to plug back into the universal bassline and ride it for a while would be a fine thing indeed. Therapeutic at the very least. 


3. Motorbike
It was always coming, it was just a question of when. This is the year I do my Direct Access and stop procrastinating. If I'm gonna have a full-blown Midlife Crisis, then I want to have one on a Triumph fucking Roadster or a beautiful Victory 8-Ball cruiser, like this...

...not in some soft-topped mid-range two-seater dildo.


4. Writing materials
Paper and pens. Charcoal, crayons, who cares? Does it make a mark on paper? Can I draw or write with it? Do I have a portable medium to draw / write onto? Then all is well.


5. Claudia Black

I really have to explain THIS? Okay, she's not a 'thing' in an objectifying sense, clearly, but I'm pretty sure I need one of these. At least sometimes I think I do. I'll shut up now.


JH