God. Not just for breakfast any more...

So. It's back to the business of hating (nearly) everybody else. Nobody reads this fucking thing anyway and the scant few that do (with the exception of one or two) haven't bothered following it or sharing the link, so I'll write what I fucking well like until such time as I'm forced to sell out by huge and unrelenting pressure from an army of loyal readers desperate to see me tackle altruistic and namby-pamby subjects like jumble sales or rambling. Perhaps the odd recipe here and there? You like that? Here's one:


Jase's Vegetarian Nut Roast
Ingredients: 1 pasty, skinny, whiny male vegetarian (stripped)
Equipment: 1 blowtorch


If you need to know what to do with the equipment, you just volunteered to be the fucking ingredient. I'm gonna take this recipe to the cafe with me tomorrow and see if Jim's up for putting it on as a lunchtime special one day this week. Maybe Wednesday when the Jesus crowd are outside shouting at passers-by with their live 'colouring in' demonstration. Yet it is the age of the shiny distraction - nobody wants to hear or see anything that isn't emanating from a small square sexy looking piece of tech; the most tragic thing is, these fuckers aren't the old-timers who've wasted a whole seventh of their lives in blind faith - these are what I'd describe as 'feckless student types.' But even with the injection of youthful vigour It's the same old tired thing every week. Some hipster art college dude does the EXACT same illustration of the 'spiritual path' with his poster paints and his nursery school brush on a big flipchart while his comedy partner tells anyone within earshot that they're doomed to Hell(TM) unless they tell God(TM) how worthless and sinful they are and say they're really, really sorry and they won't do it again. Even the Romanian Big Issue seller outside the store opposite looks uncomfortable and embarrassed. And she's conjoined twins.


Okay, look. This wasn't intended to be a blog rant about the existence of a Divine Creator. But I'm trying to make a point concerning the nature of selling - specifically, an idea. Like this blog, if I bang on about the same old subjects week in week out, I'll eventually lose readers. But I've only been doing this a couple of months. God's had two thousand fucking years. And any brand specialist worth a shit will tell you, a brand needs to change and adapt or it will stagnate and die. Bottom line - God needs a brand manager.


And to that end, I issue a challenge. To you, spanky. Yeah, you. 


Create a strapline for God. One that embodies the zeitgeist. If any of you fancy submitting one, I'll collect them and post them up here in a week or two. Here's my shot:

Come on. It's not as if She's gonna fucking find out, is it?